backpain and big breasts.

(Started writing this post ages ago, before I had the flu. Second time I wrote it, wordpress ate it. Gah)

Sometimes I suffer from backpain. Not excessively, suprisingly rarely actually, considering that I work as a dishpig/waitress, spend lots of time in at a computer, considearble amounts of time in an art studio bent ove projects and cycle at least twice a week with heavy bags. It also doesn’t help that I have big breasts.

I had lots of backpain a few weeks ago. Especially bad at the end of a shift or in the evening, at the end of a long day. Oftentimes, when I have backpain, it is made worse by wearing a bra. Especially tight ones. Because of this, I will often go around braless, where possible, when in backpain. I don’t hesitate to go to class without a bra on, though admitedly it is pretty casual here in Alice Springs, a large proportion of my classmates are older women and I’m always extra careful not to wear a “revealing” top. Even very occasionally at work, although only after the cafe is closed to customers and we are cleaning up.

But I still feel somewhat nervous though. Big breasts bounce around when you aren’t wearing a bra. Hell they bounce around when you are wearing a bra, unless it is really tight. Then they’ll probably spill out from over the top of the bra, not to mention cause or exacerbate back pain. And I’m always nervous as to how people – men especially, will respond to my boobs, especially if they are bouncing around because I am not wearing a bra, or if I am wearing a low cut  or tight top. Will they take me seriously? Will they make jokes about me, mean derogatory jokes, to each other, when I’m not around? Will they overtly stare? Will they think that it is acceptable for them to sexually harass me? Will they think I am dumb? And if I wear a top that tries to conceal my breasts (admittedly not easy when one is an E cup) I worry that I will be thought of as frumpy. Especially since it is hard to find nice looking tops and dresses that aren’t tight and don’t reveal at least a little cleavage

I resent that it seems to be my responsibilty to have to think through all of this. All I want to do is go about my day, doing what I have to do and want to do without having to be conscious of how men might respond to my breasts. I dislike having to worry about the cleavage I might inadvertadly show while say, bending over. Or that they might attract (unwanted) attention when they bounce around. Because it is actually the responsibilty of men to see me as a human being, with intelligence and a pesronality, not just a large pair of tits. That even if men do think my breasts are sexy, even if they do feel aroused by them, it is their responsibilty to control that. Not mine. Not even if I was walking around braless and topless.