Twas going to…
make risotto tonight. But when riding home this arvo I realised that I didn’t have my i.d. with me, hence couldn’t buy the white wine I needed. Can’t buy alcohol in Alice Springs without photo i.d. such as a drivers license or a passport. When you buy it, the shop assistant scans the details. It is apparantly to help tackle alcohol abuse here in the centre, which is a big problem in both the black and white communities. I don’t know how much success, if any, it is having.
Alice Springs proposed bylaws meeting – another one.
Tomorrow, 6.30 council chambers.
I don’t know if I’ll go. I was hoping to spend the morning in the studio practising my throw-pottery (since I won’t be able to attend class this week) and maybe working on my sculpture, then go home, do some of my community services homework then make a risotto for dinner that will then serve as lunch for the next two days.
It is pretty tiring doing two courses (even TAFE courses) at once AND working part time.
UPDATE: It is a meeting of the Alice Springs Town Council. I definitely think I’ll skip. Homework.
backpain and big breasts.
(Started writing this post ages ago, before I had the flu. Second time I wrote it, wordpress ate it. Gah)
Sometimes I suffer from backpain. Not excessively, suprisingly rarely actually, considering that I work as a dishpig/waitress, spend lots of time in at a computer, considearble amounts of time in an art studio bent ove projects and cycle at least twice a week with heavy bags. It also doesn’t help that I have big breasts.
I had lots of backpain a few weeks ago. Especially bad at the end of a shift or in the evening, at the end of a long day. Oftentimes, when I have backpain, it is made worse by wearing a bra. Especially tight ones. Because of this, I will often go around braless, where possible, when in backpain. I don’t hesitate to go to class without a bra on, though admitedly it is pretty casual here in Alice Springs, a large proportion of my classmates are older women and I’m always extra careful not to wear a “revealing” top. Even very occasionally at work, although only after the cafe is closed to customers and we are cleaning up.
But I still feel somewhat nervous though. Big breasts bounce around when you aren’t wearing a bra. Hell they bounce around when you are wearing a bra, unless it is really tight. Then they’ll probably spill out from over the top of the bra, not to mention cause or exacerbate back pain. And I’m always nervous as to how people – men especially, will respond to my boobs, especially if they are bouncing around because I am not wearing a bra, or if I am wearing a low cut or tight top. Will they take me seriously? Will they make jokes about me, mean derogatory jokes, to each other, when I’m not around? Will they overtly stare? Will they think that it is acceptable for them to sexually harass me? Will they think I am dumb? And if I wear a top that tries to conceal my breasts (admittedly not easy when one is an E cup) I worry that I will be thought of as frumpy. Especially since it is hard to find nice looking tops and dresses that aren’t tight and don’t reveal at least a little cleavage
I resent that it seems to be my responsibilty to have to think through all of this. All I want to do is go about my day, doing what I have to do and want to do without having to be conscious of how men might respond to my breasts. I dislike having to worry about the cleavage I might inadvertadly show while say, bending over. Or that they might attract (unwanted) attention when they bounce around. Because it is actually the responsibilty of men to see me as a human being, with intelligence and a pesronality, not just a large pair of tits. That even if men do think my breasts are sexy, even if they do feel aroused by them, it is their responsibilty to control that. Not mine. Not even if I was walking around braless and topless.
fuck you wordpress.
I fucking spend an hour writing a post and wordpress eats it. Fuck you wordpress!
Alice Springs Proposed Bylaws
I suppose I should do my submission against them. Will do tonight, along with equal marriage rights one, when I get back from DKA.
According to one of the local papers (I think it was the weekly, which is the one with the bizar interesting writers but not owned by Murdoch. No wait, maybe it was the Centralian) there have only been fifteen submissions handed in.
Oh well, better shower, eat and prepare myself for the fortnight ahead. I think that there will be lots of nights with only 5-6 hours sleep. Hope I don’t toss and turn like I did last night.
Anxiety
I had an anxiety attack early this morning.
I was feeling nervous about some work I was supposed to do – photography, non professional, of solar installations down at the DKA site this morning. I was also feeling slightly grumpy about having to get at 4amish, in order to be there at 6.15, for a 6.30 start. Getting to bed at 12am didn’t help. But I just assumed that I would be okay, that I would get to sleep almost straight a way, sleep soundly, then wake up, albeit groggily, to the alarm ath 4.10am. I would then have a piece of the healthy carrot cake I made, (very little sugar, half wholemeal flour, walnuts and sunflour seeds, no frosting) drink the yougurt drink ‘d made up hop, onto my bike, and go. I was kinda looking forward to the bikeride actually. DKA is probably about thirteen kilometers from my house, a nice distance to cycle early in the morning.
Didn’t happen. I was so nervous. About the work. About potentially sleeping through my alarm. About the busy two weeks I have ahead of me (I’m sitting here thinking “f*ck! how will I fit it all in? Should be doing it, not winging on a blog noone reads! Fuck!)
I was anxious about a mate dropping in on me in the afternoon when I was doing the second shoot, a mate who, while nice and well meaning and all, I adamantly do not want dropping in on me casually, especially while I am working, because he is often usually patronising towards me, and that makes me anxious. And yes, I have brought this up with him, many times, (so has a mutual friend, who is an Aboriginal Elder) to no avail. I usually just give him shit because of his belittling attitude towards me. Now he thinks I’m immature and “sometimes wonders what goes through my mind.” I tried to tell him, but he doesn’t listen, another one of our moot points. Gah.
But I disgress.
I woke up after tossing and turning and only light sleep, thinking, “must be near 4am. Don’t want to get up. So hungry.” It was 2.39am. Feeling somewhat grateful, but thinking “an hour and a half isn’t enough” I stumbled up, had a piece of carrot cake, then went back to bed, hoping that I would fall asleep straight away.
Didn’t happen. More tossing and turning. It must have been near 4am, when the heart palpitations began. Which are a sign of the Dreaded Anxiety. Not as severely as I used to get them, thank christ. I am starting to get better, I tell myself, and I drink lots less coffee, which seemed to be is as responsible, if not more so than the anxiety.
One of the problems, for me anyway, of heart palpitations is that it messes with my concentration (which mercifully, is on the rise/mend these days). Anxiety and depression already does that big time. When my heart started beating so fast, alongside my lack of sleep and general nervousness, I knew it was pointless going in, that even a 13km bike ride couldn’t settle my nerves. That there was no way that I could do the job in this state.
I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I lay in bed trying to calm myself down and trying, not so successfully, to fall asleep, because my heart was beating so fast. I thought back to Sunday, tried to remember how much coffee and tea I had drunk, if that could have influence my fast-beating heart. I concluded that I hadn’t had enough tea and coffee to warrant these heart palpitations, which concerned me. Then I remembered I’d also had a fair bit of some Lindt dark chocolate. And not enough “real food” Damn. Sigh. But some relief. I knew than that it was only a matter of “waiting it out” That my heart would stop racing, that I would be less jittery and that I would sort of be okay.
I remember when I used to spend days, weeks sometimes in this state, only more severe. My anxiety was worse then, and I used to drink a lot more coffee and eat much more chocolate that I do now, as well as tonnes more sugar.
My anxiety is less severe now, though obviously debilitating at times. The attacks are less frequent, less severe and shorter. I recall those former days of anxiety with a shudder, and with anger. I just hope that they never come back.
I suppose I should sort out this photo thingy.
Update: I can do the afternoon shot today and a morning shot sometime this week, so long as it isn’t too cloudy. Apparantly there is going to be “some cloud” all week. Not that that means much cloud here in the Alice.
Busy. Or should be.
I suppose I should do my homework, clean the house, cycle in to the market. Because I have a busy two weeks coming up, what with classes and assignments due, not to mention tomorrows foray to DKA. I must have been crazy, thinking I could do two courses at once and work part time.
Overseas abortion aid ban lifted.
Aboriginal kids misdiagnosed as having learning, intellectual and speech impairments.
CAAMA radio reported this morning that over the last twenty years, many Indigenous children have been misdiagnosed as having learning impairments. Misdiagnosis occured because of 1) Kids being tested for impairments in the same way that a child who speaks English as a first language or is fully bilingual in both English and a second language. Not appropriate, because many Indigenous kids don’t speak English fluently. So when they (obviously) have problems communicating in English, they get misdiagnosed as having speech difficulties, when they can (ofcourse) communicate without difficulty in their first language. And 2) Hearing difficulties. A massive health issue in Indigenous communities. And ofcourse, as the specialist interviewed pointed out, if these kids are taught as though they have intellectual and learning disabilities, it pretty much means that they are denied the opportunity to reach their full potential.
Need it be said, this is overt racism!
The public consultation regarding Alice Springs proposed bylaws
I went to the meeting, but didn’t take in much of the discussion because I was half dead very very tired and foggy-minded due to having the flu and still going to work and class. I was tired despite my little nap on the council lawns prior to attending the meeting. It should be noted that sleeping in public is not permitted under the proposed bylaws.
I heard that it ended with one of the councillors, I think it was Sandy-can’t-remember-her-last-name (and can’t be arsed doing a search right now) storming out in an emotional manner or something along those lines. Gah! What you miss being sick.
The funniest comment was from a young Aboriginal man: “but if you prevent us from camping, it means that the tourists don’t get to see Aboriginal people in their natural habitat” Well, he didn’t say it like that, but what he said, and his whole demeanor was hilarious.
So many people criticised the council for not being clear in how they worded the bylaws. Councillors said that, for example, the proposed bylaw against handing out flyers and sticking signs on ones vehicle or propert that could be seen by the public was to prevent excessive and unsightly advertising. When asked by the public as to why it wasn’t worded to express that intent more clearly… well I can’t remember what the council waffled in response. I was half dead with flu after all, and should have been at home in bed, not coughing on people in the Andy Mcneill room.
When the public asked what defined “offensive material” the council said it would determine that as the applications to put up signs “promotional material, etc came in. Yikes.
I can remember at the beginning of the meeting, when the council dude who gave the introduction spech to open the meeting said something along the lines of “now I know that some of the proposed bylaws seem strange and harsh, for example, the proposed bylaw against picking flowers. However, what we mean to stamp out with that bylaw is vandalism against council revegation works, y’know, like what happened to those trees we planted over near the Todd. So picking flowers, even flowers planted by council workers in parks, is like okay. Hacking and uprooting two hundred seedlings planted by council is an offence, and that is what the proposed bylaw against picking flowers is meant to stop.” (badly reworded by Dinana between coughs)
Um, isn’t there a difference between picking a flower, or even a few flowers, and destroying tens, or hundreds of seedlings? And isn’t vandalism alreading an offence anyway?
And Alice Springs Town Council got lots of boos in the meeting
I think council need to learn how to articulate themselves more clearly.
